My Story by Grace Cardozo

We’re quickly reaching the end of LGBT History Month and as an openly gay member of the Board, I was asked to write a blog to give you some perspectives from my own experiences, and also my perspectives of life for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people within NHS Dumfries and Galloway.  The theme of LGBT History Month in Scotland this year is ‘Unsung People’, and seeks to find and share stories, as there is empowerment in representation.  Here’s just a wee bit of my story.  

I’m Grace Cardozo, and I’ve been a Non-Executive Director on the Board of NHS Dumfries and Galloway since 2015.  I’m also a voting member on the IJB where I’m chair of the Clinical and Care Governance Committee.  

I came out in the early 90s after (like many others) moving away to the relative anonymity of the big city – in Edinburgh I found my tribe, pretty much immersing myself in gay culture in the city, feeling for the first time that I could properly be myself.  

Although the LGBT pubs, clubs and groups I accessed felt like a safe haven, sadly it wasn’t always like that in the big bad world and as someone who ‘looked gay’ (whatever that means) I was an easy target for various forms of homophobia, discrimination and abuse.  At that time, the LGBT plus community still didn’t really have any legal rights, and overall, the experience of being treated differently, as an outsider, as somehow ‘less’ than other people left its mark and meant that I (like many other LGBT people) have had to battle through feelings of low self-worth, feeling terrified about what people might think of me, trying to hide who I was from family, friends and work colleagues, all of which eventually led to a range of mental health difficulties.  

Fortunately, I was blessed with a loving family who eventually accepted me, a group of supportive friends and a good education, all of which offered me the resilience I needed to get my life back on track, and now almost 30 years later, I live a very ordinary and content life with my partner, daughter and dogs in rural Dumfries and Galloway, accepted by everyone in my wee village, and in the places I socialise and work. 

Without those safe spaces in the early days however, and that peer group of other LGBT people which gave me both personal support and a louder, collective voice about the issues that concerned me as an LGBT plus person, I know I would not be nearly as confident, happy and (relatively!) well-adjusted as I am now.  

I think what people who are not LGBT plus don’t always realise is that the fear of prejudice is just as paralysing as the real thing, and that sometimes we are programmed to assume people will reject us, when we have had so many experiences of that in the past.  I also think that sometimes we ourselves forget about the toxic shame that many of us felt growing up, and which can stay with us in different forms into adulthood and can impact on how confident and empowered we can feel in social situations, in relationships, when we access services and certainly in our places of work.  

That’s just one reason why I’m so delighted that NHS Dumfries and Galloway and the other public bodies across the Region have come together to support the development of a new LGBT+ staff network which aims to bring staff together to give that sense of mutual support, solidarity and to help drive forward improvements for LGBT+ people in our workplaces.  It’s not just a ‘nice’ thing to do – for many members of staff across the public agencies it will prove to be a life-line – a safe space where they can finally be themselves and have a voice, without the worry that they might be judged, bullied or treated differently that their colleagues.  

You only need to look at the equality data from NHS Dumfries and Galloway to know that there are many LGBT plus people who don’t feel confident enough to disclose their sexual orientation or gender identity in the workplace.  These are our colleagues, our friends.  The ones that help hold us up at the end of a bad day.  The ones that agree to do that extra shift to help a colleague out.  The ones that bring cakes in on a Friday, well… just because the team deserve it.  But some of these NHS colleagues are also people who don’t feel safe to mention their partners when people ask how their weekend was;  or don’t feel able to bring their loved one to a work night out; or worry every day if their friends and colleagues would still be their friends if they ‘knew’.  

I know that most people in NHS Dumfries and Galloway are committed to promoting equality and diversity, and to making sure that everyone irrespective of background or identity can feel safe and supported and thrive in our organisation, either as a patient or a staff member.  But this desire to be inclusive only goes so far, and it needs to be translated into creating a culture where people feel safe enough to be themselves, which surely is a simple, basic human right.  

The LGBT+ staff network will go some way towards creating this culture, but there’s so much more that we can ALL do for all of our friends, colleagues and team-mates which could make a huge difference to people’s lives. I’ll leave you with 8 wee tips on how to be a good LGBT ally and to help all our LGBT+ colleagues to confidently reveal the unheard stories about their real life and love. 

1. Believe that all people, regardless of gender identity and sexual orientation, should be treated with dignity and respect.
2. Confront your own prejudices and bias, even if it is uncomfortable to do so.  Try to educate yourself on LGBT+ issues – remember one day it might be a close friend or relative that needs your support too.
3. Don’t assume that all your friends and co-workers are straight. Someone close to you could be looking for support in their coming-out process. Not making assumptions will give them the space they need.
4. Bring LGBT+ issues out in conversation in the workplace “Did you see Channel 4’s It’s a Sin – It was really great and moving”, “Did you read those blogs about LGBT History Month – isn’t it great we’ve got an LGBT staff network” etc. 
5. Be inclusive with your language – Say “partner” rather than “boyfriend / husband”, “wife/ girlfriend”. 
6. Anti-LGBT comments and jokes are harmful. Let your friends, family and co-workers know that you find them offensive.
7. Don’t gossip about people’s sexuality or gender identity, or tell anyone else if you know someone to be LGBT+ (unless you know they are 100% out) – you could put someone in an unsafe situation.
8. Defend your LGBT friends and colleagues against discrimination and stand up for LGBT+ rights where you can.  Remember sometimes because of our own fear we find it hard to stand up for ourselves.  

If you would like to know more about the Dumfries and Galloway LGBT+ staff network please contact us (in confidence) at

lgbtstaffnetwork@dumgal.gov.uk

Grace Cardozo is a Non Executive Member of the NHS Dumfries and Galloway Health Board.