Wouldn’t it be great if same-sex relationships were so accepted that they never needed to be remarked on in the first place and there was no need for me to be writing this blog? Sexuality is a spectrum, and we all fall somewhere upon it. Being LGBT+ isn’t weird, different or “other” – it’s perfectly ordinary. I’d like to think we are moving towards a place where most people feel they can live their lives authentically, without having to explain or justify themselves.
Rather than slotting people neatly into boxes, I’d love it if we were all a bit freer; less constrained by the rigid categories of “gay” or “straight”. Myself, I have been in a relationship with my partner (a woman) for 27 years, but if I had to label myself, I’d have to go with the term “pansexual”. I only learnt this term recently, and it refers to someone who is attracted to people regardless of their gender. However, it’s also perfectly normal to find that where you are on the spectrum of sexuality may shift over time. Pansexual is how I feel now, but I am also happy to say there have been times when I would strongly identify as ”straight”, “Bi-sexual”, “gay” or “lesbian”, and may again!
Personally I would love to see LGBT+ status and relationships as being unremarkable, but there’s good reasons why at times it is important to raise awareness and unapologetically celebrate who we are. That’s because the world is not yet there in terms of LGBT+ rights. Attitudes towards members of the LGBT+ community in different parts of the world, or even different sections of our own communities, can still be extremely challenging. We were reminded of this during the World Cup last year which was hosted in Qatar.
Qatar is one of 70 nations around the world that legislate against the LGBT+ community – 11 of these threaten the death penalty. Even in Britain, hateful rhetoric at transgender people (the “T” in LGBT+), on social media and in certain sections of the press, proves how far we still have to go – and prompts a powerful sense of déjà vu amongst the LGBT+ community. For example, Section 28, introduced by the Conservative government under Margaret Thatcher, was only repealed in 2003 and the harm it caused is still very much within living memory. It’s not difficult to draw parallels between how gay people were treated in the 1980’s and 90’s and how the transgender community are targeted today.
Compared to many other parts of the world, the majority of the Dumfries & Galloway LGBT+ community will be grateful to be living openly in a tolerant society which upholds LGBT+ rights. However, we are not completely free from abuse, discrimination or homophobia, and for some people it remains a challenge and a struggle to come out and live fully as their authentic self.
That’s why the Health and Social Care Partnership LGBT+ Staff Network is so important, providing people with a community of support and a collective voice for change.
So please forgive us if we choose to shout loud and proud during June, and celebrate Pride Month. We are raising awareness for tolerance and equality for those who can’t. LGBT+ relationships are just as valid and messy and beautiful and “normal” as everyone else’s. Take a moment; learn more about the beautiful, fantastic people, talent and diversity within the LGBT+ community, and celebrate with us.
Happy Pride, wherever and however you choose to celebrate.
Anne.
Anne Allison is Lead Nurse for Community Health and Social Care at NHS D&G and LGBT+ Staff Network Chair
Many of us will experience mental or physical ill health at some point in our lives or be a Carer for someone who does. I have struggled with periods of mental ill health throughout my life. Not surprising perhaps, when 75% of mental ill health (excluding dementia) starts before the age of 18[1].
The longest and worst period of anxiety and depression I experienced started in my mid 30’s. I can’t pinpoint a day or month as it was a gradual decline. I had a demanding job, was studying for a degree online, had two children and never took a day off sick even when I felt lousy. I was the queen of the fake smile and jovial quip. Only my immediate family knew I wasn’t well and most of them didn’t know the extent of the paranoia, low mood and negative thoughts that I was living with. I was very good at hiding those feelings – until I wasn’t.
Rock bottom
While delivering a self esteem/confidence course (oh the irony!), I had an emotional breakdown because of a text message. It was the last straw in a build up of negative thoughts and experiences. I recently described this as ‘not one specific thing but a million tiny paper cuts’.
I started crying and couldn’t stop, like really couldn’t stop, couldn’t speak, couldn’t walk, I was curled up on the floor in the corner of a public toilet (gross!), wailing. My husband had to leave work and come and get me. I was inconsolable so he ended up taking me directly to the doctors where they gave me something (I have no idea what) to calm me down and help me sleep.
I had a week off work and then pasted my mask back on, continued to work and study and kid on I was okay. For the next few years I was off and on anti-depressants, and underwent different forms of therapy including CBT, Reiki and 1-2-1 coaching. Some of these interventions were more helpful than others.
My husband took me to New York for my 40th birthday. We did the works, helicopter ride round the Statue of Liberty, Broadway show, Empire State and open-topped bus. I know I went to all these things as we have photos of me at them. I am smiling but if you look closely I am ‘dead behind the eyes’. I was like a zombie because of the tablets I was on, I felt no emotion, but was very anxious. I have very little recollection of the whole experience and still feel guilty and sad about it, even though I know I wasn’t well.
Taking control/self-help
I decided the medication wasn’t working for me, so with support from my GP I made a plan to come off the medication over a couple of months. I changed my diet, ate more healthily and started jogging. I also completely cut out alcohol. I wasn’t a big drinker but it is a depressant so I wasn’t taking any chances.
Within a few months I had lost weight, was sleeping better, was less paranoid, more confident, more outgoing and generally felt mentally and physically fitter and stronger than I ever had!
I had about 3 years of feeling pretty good but then while studying again, in my mid 40’s, I was beginning to struggle. I put it down to studying really hard and working full time (not having much time to run). However, I was also diagnosed with a learning disability through the university. I realised at that point that this had probably impacted significantly on my mental health and well-being. It explained why I found I had to study much harder than my peers, why I couldn’t cope with exams, couldn’t retain information and why I felt (and still feel) so overwhelmed at times.
Contributing factor
Although I sometimes wish I didn’t have a learning disability/wasn’t neurodivergent, so I could remember things like names/faces, instructions, directions and numbers and didn’t get distracted easily, it is not all bad. I like details (to the point of obsession some might say), can often find solutions or ways to do things which a neurotypical person might not and I am pretty creative. If I wasn’t the way I am, I wouldn’t be me.
Anyway, back to my mental health…
Apart from the unwavering support of my family and friends there have been a few positive influences in my mental health journey but the most significant is definitely running and the friends I have made through it. It is no exaggeration to say running has changed and improved my life. It gives me some control over how I cope/care for myself.
My initial running goal was to do 1 mile without stopping. 13 years down the line, I have lost count of how many half marathons I have done, I have ran about 5 marathons, 1 double marathon and about 4 ultra marathons (generally over 30 miles). I am not saying this to show off, no-one is more surprised than me, and I am still not sure how it happened!
When I started running I was overweight, embarrassed how unfit I was and I hadn’t run since school and that was under duress. I only mention what I have done above because wherever you are in your mental or physical health journey, if you can find some exercise you want to try, whether it is to run a mile, swim a length or do a fitness class, it could end up changing your life.
What works for me
Running is not just about the physical exercise for me, it also got me involved in a fantastic, non-competitive, social running club in Langholm called the Muckle Toon Joggers. I consider some of the members among my closest friends and biggest supporters.
I wish I had found running sooner. Maybe if I had I wouldn’t have ‘lost’ years of my life in the fog of anxiety and depression…
Don’t get me wrong, I still have my ups and downs. I still struggle with sleeping and have days/weeks where I am extremely anxious and feel totally overwhelmed but it is usually because I have allowed work or other commitments to impact on my exercise routine and/or eating habits.
My tools for coping are
Running 2 to 3 times a week (usually 20 miles total) – rain or shine. Yes, even on holiday
Eating fairly healthy food (but still enjoying cakes, scones, cheese and dark chocolate in moderation)
Treating myself the way I would a friend. Would I tell a friend to pull themselves together, you’ve got nothing to be depressed about? No, I would be kind and supportive and that’s what I try to do for myself.
Not pretending everything is okay when it isn’t
Speaking up when things are getting too much
Knowing how and when to ask for help
Talking to friends and family
Final note:
We are going back to New York this September and I hope to really experience it this time, in full Technicolor, non zombie mode. This time my smile in the photos will be genuine not fake and I will actually enjoy, not dread, each activity. I am taking my trainers so I can run round Central Park!
Some of you may remember my blog last year, on the perils of being deaf and relying on lip-reading. (May 2022) This year, for Deaf Awareness week, I would like to highlight other invisible side effects of communication for Deaf people ie concentration fatigue, deaf anxiety and the benefits of British Sign Language – not only for those who use BSL as their first language but also for myself.
We all suffer concentration fatigue at some point in our daily lives, when we have focused on something for too long eg a computer screen, or a difficult task. For me, it is the continual processing of conversation – combining half heard words, lipreading, visual cues and context to make sense of what is being said. All this focusing uses up a lot of mental energy. In many cases I am then expected to think of some sensible reply to what might be a question out of the blue (which I may or may not have heard correctly – luckily ‘mis-hearings’ are infrequent, but often hilarious!). As Ian Noon in his blog says “It’s like doing jigsaws, Sudoku and Scrabble all at the same time”. It is difficult enough in a one-to-one conversation but multiply that if I am in a group – I first have to identify who is speaking, then by the time I have, the conversation has moved on and so on. This is why I can sometimes ‘zone out’ – it is not that I am not interested in the conversation or training session, it is just that my brain can’t process any more at that moment and needs a break – which can result in missing a key piece of information. An example of this for hearing people is when you are learning to speak a new language with a fluent speaker. I will also get dry eyes as I try hard not to miss any visual parts of the jigsaw which, in turn, adds to the fatigue.
How about deaf anxiety? I grew up trying to be ‘normal’ in a hearing world. Although born profoundly deaf, my parents always considered me ‘hard of hearing’. My mother spent a lot of time teaching me how to speak ‘normally’ and, to be honest, did most of my education (along with my dad in my Senior years) – I went to a mainstream school, but missed quite a bit during the actual classes. I was conscious of trying to fit in, to pretend I was hearing everything with nods, fake smiles and laughter when I had the right cues. The anxiety comes in when you are not sure if you appear normal, fear of not responding correctly in any situation, and not knowing when to take part in a group conversation/butt in – which has a big knock on effect on self-confidence. It is really only as I have got older, that I have seen this for what it is, and try to avoid situations which may increase my anxiety. On the other hand, my ability to communicate on a one-to-one basis with patients and colleagues, means that they get my full attention which includes verbal and non-verbal cues.
So, what can help with to reduce concentration fatigue? As well as sitting with my back to the window or in rooms with good lighting, quiet environments, closed captions on Teams, Bluetooth connection for sound on audio devices (but I still need to be able to lip-read) and, when possible, taking a short break or switch off completely (literally! ie disconnecting my aids). The latter is not so easy in the middle of a Webinar/Training session or a long meeting – and this is where British Sign Language (BSL) comes in……..
Learning BSL when I was in my late 30s was a game changer for me! I passed my Level 2 Sign Language in 1999 and discovered the world of BSL interpreters. Not only is BSL a beautiful, visual language – sign language is made up of a combination of manual signs and lip patterns – I could now attend a full day of training and not ‘zone out’ an hour in. Even interpreters need a break due to all their language processing so, for a full day session, I would need two interpreters who work alternately in 20 minute sessions. I still can’t ‘watch’ and write at the same time but I can follow so much more of the session and I’m more confident in asking or answering questions. However, sadly, there are no BSL interpreters in Dumfries and Galloway in spite of an estimated 0.2% of the population being BSL users. Interpreters have to come from further afield, adding travel time and costs and even then, they should be booked at least 6 weeks in advance when possible – there are less than 100 qualified interpreters recognised by SRLPDC/NRCPD to cover the whole of Scotland. There are alternatives such as the Government Funded CONNECT – which is a video interpreting app that, while useful for short sessions or appointments, is not suitable for longer training events or meetings. For me, I usually find that the screen is too small for me to be able to lip-read effectively.
I would encourage everyone to learn basic sign language. Even if you can’t fully communicate with a BSL user, they will most certainly appreciate someone making the effort. Also, for appointments, please seek the support of interpreters either face to face or online – it is not right to ask family members/carers or friends to interpret on your behalf. Also, be conscious that you are talking directly to the deaf person, and not the interpreter – ‘would SHE like a cup of tea with milk and sugar’ springs to mind!
If any of you reading this, or your colleagues, would like support in NHS D&G – there is a Disability Network which offers online and/or face to face support. This is available via BEACON or email dg.disabilitynetwork@nhs.scot This support is not just for Deaf or hard of hearing people, but for anyone who identifies themselves, or supports someone, with a disability.
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